Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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