yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
