I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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