Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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