how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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