Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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