He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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