i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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