I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
