he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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