I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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