The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have tasted many bathrooms
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
