Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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