I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
