He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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