You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
