I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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