Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Found the puke drawer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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