Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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