I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
