I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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