this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
