We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
