Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
