You don't have asthma, your pregnant
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
