ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
