you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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