just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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