It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
