I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
