Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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