what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
