i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
