Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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