you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
