508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
