Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
