Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
