I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
