I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
