My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
