The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
