For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
