I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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