Barsexuality is the new black.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
