His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
