I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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