I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
