i would punch a child for taco bell
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
