it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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