hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
where are my eyebrows?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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